I get what you're saying. When my marriage fell apart a year ago people tried to reassure me that I was a grab. And I still matter I should be - am tall, clean-cut, look young for 48, run my own successful firm, know how to dance, am a community leader with environmental education and in my profession, lecture at university, write, from an exotic area (Alaska). As a result I'm quite busy so online dating looked like the answer. But in fact in six I can count on one hand the number of women who've written back and no genuine dates. I picked women in my date range and attractiveness range. Merely to check I wrote to rather elderly women and less appealing than myself. Nothing. Got on Tinder and swiped nearly every girl. Attempted all types of pictures. Nothing. while I speak to my female friends they say they're inundated. The only dates I've had, 2, were from old buddies who both told me they'd been fantasising about me for years but then they left it at that and infrequently return my calls. At Meetups women appear interested but they don't respond. Simply do not understand this, it's as if they expect me to pursue them and I 'm loath to do that because the two times I did that when my union was souring permanently alienated good pals. College sluts closest to Blackburn VIC. Really out to sea on all this - so much has changed since I was last dating 26 years past.
I feel like I am aging out" of internet dating. I've noticed after my last birthday (I turned 54 in June) that the reply I get on has dropped to almost nothing. It's as though going from the early 50s to the mid 50s is some kind of death-knell for a dating life. I initiate contact with men in an age-range of about 3 years younger up to about 8 years older than myself. The potential matches the website sends me are age appropriate for me, but when I look in the age-range that those men desire, (generally 35-50) I frequently go past them, understanding I can't compete with women in their desired range, even though many of those men are as much as 5-8 years old than me! In other words, intentionally sends me matches which are likely not realistic for me to pursue. When I've e-mailed a number of these guys, I don't hear back. I am guessing they check out my profile, see my age, and likely read no further. Even if I am within their desired range, I still do not get much of a reply. I suppose the reason for this is they can get younger women to respond to them, so why would they go for me when they've a chance with the 45 year-old model of me? If their first wife was their age, like a school love or whatever, they likely feel entitled to a newer version, so to speak. Our culture supports this. It's frustrating, as well as depressing and more than a little humiliating. It's the built in folly of on-line websites: you're just defined by your actual age, in bold type right next to your user name.
One more thing. I'd like to ask all of my middle aged online dating male and female compatriots a favor. Please, let us rid our profiles of these overused phrases once and for all: glass-half-full, sensual, drama-free, and easygoing. And these, let's omit these too: "I look 10 years younger than I am," "I loathe talking about myself, but..." and any and all derivatives of "my friends/mother/ex/kids tell me that..I am a glass-half-total optimist, who is easy going and looks 10 years younger than I am." I think that if we can all really agree to clean up our profiles then perhaps, just maybe, we can find some common ground and get back to the work of falling in love (or at least having fun trying).
Discontinue Using Your Profile to Whine about Men. Several guys noticed how many women's online dating profiles are comprised chiefly of grievances about guys - either their profiles, or their behavior in general. I agree with the men on this one. There is no point in using your profile narrative as a soapbox for your negative perception of all single, middle-aged men (for heaven's sakes utilize a site for that). So while I'm certain there are guys (and women) out there who are logged on and behaving badly, I believe that women must take responsibility for their own selections. We can keep our positive expectations while at the same time heeding our inner voice that warns us when something isn't quite correct. Way too often some women are led not by common sense, but by wishful thinking and a desire to be nice and not seem impolite, so we discount the big, red flashing warning lights raging in our heads and continue without caution. I once met a girl who expressed great sadness that she just couldn't trust the men she met online. She then continued to tell me a story about any of these guys who spent days (yes, days) wooing her via e-mail. He told her stories of his limitless prosperity and his connections to powerful individuals all over the world. She slept with him on the second date (after he assured to whisk her away to a private island that next weekend). But that is not all. She also gave him all of her identifying information when he told her that she needed to be checked by "his people." And guess what? Yep! Her identity was stolen. Complaining about how she could only no longer trust men she met online was a bit like complaining about how she could merely no longer trust Nigerian princes.
Tone Down the Boudoir Shots. You say you want a quality guy who respects you as a human being and is interested in having a serious relationship with you, then you post pictures of yourself next to your bed (or in your bed, or in your bed, or in somebody else's bed). And if you're not posting pictures of yourself next to your bed, (or on your bed, or in your bed), you are posting photos with far too much cleavage. Now, that is totally excellent - I have no issue at all with this, and I'm certain many guys don't have a problem either - but what some guys do have a problem with is when women post said super-hot glamour shots and then whine to their buddies, or make statements on their profiles about how all guys are dogs and only need them for sex. College sluts nearest Blackburn, Victoria. And while we are on the topic of complaint-filled profiles...
Athletic and Toned Means, well, Athletic and Toned. I despise the body descriptors as much as you do (well, except for you size 0 women out there, you most likely love them), but I do believe it is significant that we at least strive for honesty. The word on the street is the fact that far too many women out there in the internet dating world are using the "athletic and toned" descriptor in reference to their "about average" bodies (this criticism applies to guys as well, of course). The thing is, there really is not anything wrong with having an around average (or curvy) body so let us take the pressure off ourselves and heed the advice of Amy Schuler, and understand once and for all that a little meat on our bones isn't going to kill us, and it isn't going to drive away the good guys either (correct, good guys?).
No. More. Instagram. Pictures. I love Instagram pictures because many of the filters make my eyes look strikingly blue (or green, or lavender), and some even shave about 10 years off my face. But do I post these pictures on my internet dating profile? No I do not. Why? Because my eyes are not really that blue (or green or lavender), and I'm about 10 years older than my Instagram pictures would have you believe. This was the number one criticism among the guys I interviewed - artistically filtered (i.e., delusory) pictures. Truth in advertising ladies, truth in advertising.
Manner too Many Pet Photographs. This was a huge gripe among the guys I interviewed. They are looking at your profile to find out more about you, not your pets. College sluts nearby Blackburn Australia. So delete the pet photos, particularly the ones without you in them. Oh and while we're on the topic of pet photos, I 've a personal request of all you single, middle-aged women out there on dating websites: please, please, please delete any and all photographs of your cats. This really is so important. I can't emphasize it enough. Single, middle aged women already need to manage far too many negative stereotypes, and also the cat pictures (you cuddling with your cats, you kissing your cats, multiple cats in your bed) merely serve to strengthen them. I once wrote a blog post about how dating sometimes made me feel unwelcome , and I got hundreds of opinions from single middle-aged men throughout all of North America advising me that I must live in a dark apartment with 100 or so cats, so actually, please delete them.
Last week I discussed my six pet peeves about middle-aged men's online dating profiles , and I promised everyone that this week I'd focus on middle-aged women's online dating profiles. Since I'm far more familiar with men's profiles, I recruited some of my single male friends (and the Twittersphere) to help me with this post. This list is my best attempt at summarizing the results of my informal survey, with some of my own observations based on a little research I ran myself. Disclaimer: if you are a woman between the ages of 45 and 60, living in the Chicagoland area, and I popped up on your "Viewed Me" list, I am sorry, really. Anyway, here goes:
I can't say it any clearer than this: Do not post any selfies of yourself looking into your bathroom mirror, period. College Sluts in Victoria. Seeing a guy standing next to an open bathroom, or just a toilet paper dispenser, is an instant turn off. Take a selfie the means everyone else in the world does, by using a selfie stick and pretending as even though you are doing something interesting (like fishing or watching football). Or, in the event you don't have a selfie stick, shoot your profile picture the old fashioned way by exploiting the reverse camera view on your smart phone and then snapping a selfie in your car. Worst comes to worst, have a buddy take an action shot of you standing alone with a glass of wine pretending to laugh at someone just out of view. In case you don't have a single friend who can take your photo, or you do not possess a smartphone, then you probably shouldn't be dating in the first place.
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