I get what you're saying. When my marriage fell apart a year ago people attempted to assure me that I was a catch. And I still thing I should be - am tall, clean-cut, seem young for 48, run my own successful business, know how to dance, am a community leader with environmental education and in my profession, lecture at university, write, from an exotic place (Alaska). As a result I'm very active so online dating looked like the answer. But in fact in six I can count on one hand the number of women that have written back and no genuine dates. I decided women in my local date range and attractiveness range. Merely to check I wrote to quite elderly women and not as attractive than myself. Nothing. Got on Tinder and swiped virtually every girl. Tried all kinds of images. Nothing. When I speak to my female friends they say they're inundated. The sole dates I have had, 2, were from old friends who both told me they had been fantasising about me for years but then they left it at that and infrequently return my calls. At Meetups women look interested but they do not respond. Simply do not recognize this, it is as if they expect me to pursue them and I am unwilling to do that because the two times I did that when my union was souring permanently alienated good friends. Casual encounters in Cannington WA. Really out to sea on all this - so much has changed since I was last dating 26 years ago.
I feel like I 'm aging out" of internet dating. I have noticed after my last birthday (I turned 54 in June) that the reply I get on has dropped to virtually nothing. It is as though moving from the early 50s to the mid 50s is some kind of death knell for a dating life. I initiate contact with guys in an age-range of about 3 years younger up to about 8 years older than myself. The potential matches that the website sends me are age appropriate for me, but when I look at the age-range that those men want, (normally 35-50) I often go past them, knowing I can not compete with women in their desirable range, even though many of those guys are as much as 5-8 years old than me! To put it differently, knowingly sends me matches which are probably not realistic for me to pursue. When I've e-mailed a number of those guys, I don't hear back. I am guessing they check out my profile, see my age, and likely read no further. Even if I'm within their desirable range, I still don't get much of a response. I presume the reason behind this is they can get younger women to respond to them, so why would they go for me when they have a chance with the 45 year-old model of me? If their first wife was their age, like a school honey or whatever, they probably feel entitled to a newer model, so to speak. Our culture encourages this. It's frustrating, as well as depressing and more than a little humiliating. It's the built in folly of on-line sites: you're just defined by your actual age, in bold type right next to your user name.
One more thing. I would like to ask all of my middle-aged online dating male and female compatriots a favor. Please, let's rid our profiles of these overused phrases once and for all: glass-half-full, sensual, play-free, and easygoing. And these, let's omit these too: "I look 10 years younger than I am," "I hate talking about myself, but..." and all derivatives of "my pals/mom/ex-husband/kids tell me that..I am a glass-half-total optimist, who's easy going and looks 10 years younger than I am." I believe that if we can all really agree to clean up our profiles then maybe, just perhaps, we can locate some common ground and get back to the company of falling in love (or at least having fun trying).
Quit Using Your Profile to Whine about Men. Several guys noted how many women's online dating profiles are contained chiefly of grievances about men - either their profiles, or their conduct in general. I agree with the guys on this one. There isn't any point in using your profile story as a soapbox for your negative understanding of all single, middle-aged men (for heaven's sakes utilize a blog for that). So while I'm certain there are guys (and women) out there who are logged on and acting badly, I really believe that women must take responsibility for their own picks. We can maintain our favorable expectations while at the exact same time heeding our inner voice that warns us when something isn't quite appropriate. Far too frequently some women are guided not by common sense, but by wishful thinking and a desire to be fine and not seem impolite, so we discount the large, red flashing warning lights raging in our heads and continue without caution. I once met a woman who expressed great depression that she just could not trust the men she met online. She then proceeded to tell me a story about any of these men who spent days (yes, days) wooing her via email. He told her stories of his limitless abundance and his connections to powerful individuals all over the world. She slept with him on the second date (after he assured to whisk her off to a private island that next weekend). But that is not all. She also gave him all of her identifying information when he told her that she needed to be checked by "his people." And guess what? Yep! Her identity was stolen. Whining about how she could just no longer trust guys she met online was a bit like whining about how she could merely no longer trust Nigerian princes.
Tone Down the Boudoir Shots. You say you desire a quality guy who honors you as a human being and is interested in having a serious relationship on you, and then you post photos of yourself next to your bed (or in your bed, or in your bed, or in another person 's bed). And if you're not posting photographs of yourself next to your bed, (or on your bed, or in your bed), you are posting photographs with way too much cleavage. Now, that is certainly wonderful - I have no trouble at all with this, and I'm sure many guys don't have a problem either - but what some guys do have a problem with is when women place said super-hot glamour pictures and then complain to their buddies, or make statements on their profiles about how all guys are dogs and only want them for sex. Casual encounters in Cannington Western Australia. And while we are on the topic of criticism-filled profiles...
Athletic and Toned Means, well, Athletic and Toned. I despise the body descriptors as much as you do (well, except for you size 0 women out there, you most likely adore them), but I do believe it's important that we at least strive for truthfulness. The word on the street is that far too many women out there in the online dating world are utilizing the "fit and toned" descriptor in reference to their "about average" bodies (this complaint applies to guys as well, of course). The matter is, there actually isn't anything wrong with having an about average (or curvy) body thus let's take the pressure off ourselves and heed the guidance of Amy Schuler, and comprehend once and for all that a little meat on our bones is not going to kill us, and it isn't going to drive away the good guys either (right, good guys?).
No. More. Instagram. Pictures. I really like Instagram photos because lots of the filters make my eyes appear strikingly blue (or green, or lavender), and some even shave about ten years off my face. But do I post these photos on my internet dating profile? No I don't. Why? Because my eyes are not actually that blue (or green or lavender), and I'm about 10 years older than my Instagram pictures would have you believe. This was the number one complaint among the men I interviewed - artistically filtered (i.e., delusory) photographs. Truth in advertising ladies, truth in advertising.
Waaaay too Many Pet Pictures. This was a huge criticism among the men I interviewed. They are taking a look at your profile to learn more about you, not your pets. Casual encounters near Cannington, Australia. So delete the pet photographs, particularly the ones without you in them. Oh and while we're on the topic of pet pictures, I have a private request of all you single, middle-aged women out there on dating websites: please, please, please delete any and all photos of your cats. This is so significant. I can't stress it enough. Single, middle-aged women already have to manage much too many negative stereotypes, as well as the cat pictures (you cuddling with your cats, you kissing your cats, multiple cats on your own bed) just function to augment them. I once wrote a blog post about how dating occasionally made me feel undesirable , and I got hundreds of opinions from single middle-aged men throughout all of North America notifying me that I must live in a dark flat with 100 or so cats, so really, please delete them.
Last week I shared my six pet peeves about middle-aged men's online dating profiles , and I assured everyone that this week I'd focus on middle aged women's online dating profiles. Since I am much more familiar with men's profiles, I recruited some of my single male friends (and the Twittersphere) to help me with this specific post. The following list is my best effort at summarizing the outcomes of my informal survey, with some of my own observations based on a bit of research I ran myself. Disclaimer: if you're a woman between the ages of 45 and 60, living in the Chicagoland region, and I popped up on your "Viewed Me" list, I'm sorry, really. Anyway, here goes:
I can not say it any clearer than this: Don't post any selfies of yourself looking into your bathroom mirror, interval. Casual Encounters near Western Australia. Seeing a guy standing next to an open toilet, or just a toilet paper dispenser, is an immediate turn off. Take a selfie the way everyone else in the world does, by using a selfie stick and pretending as even though you are doing something enjoyable (like fishing or watching football). Or, in the event you don't have a selfie stick, take your profile photo the old fashioned way by tapping the reverse camera view on your smart phone and then snapping a selfie in your car. Worst comes to worst, have a buddy take an action photo of you standing alone with a glass of wine pretending to laugh at someone just out of view. In the event that you don't have a single friend who can shoot your photograph, or you don't own a smartphone, then you likely shouldn't be dating in the first place.
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