Dragonmouth: you wrote an incredibly compassionate message and I am so grateful for it. Casual encounter in Rochedale, QLD. I'm trying online dating for the very first time and I'm pushing 40. I 've no children, an astonishing career, make very good money, and others tell me I am easy on the eyes (and in great condition). Yet in the 8 weeks I've been on this website, not ONE guy has messaged me other than 5 mature, creepy ones. I eventually reached out to one guy that I thought was attractive and had a lot in common with me and he did not trouble to respond. Like the previous posters, I question what's wrong with me. Why isn't anyone interested? I've all the right photographs (they follow all of the rules someone also posted here) and I Have had several people (friends, family, even strangers) make sure my profile seems fantastic. It is extremely difficult to be patient and even harder to not think there is something wrong with you. I appreciate your story and your words of wisdom, thank you for brightening my day.
BTW - I met my wife through a dating service, back in the days when the surveys were paper along with the fitting was done by a mainframe. She didn't get a Miss Universe appears or Einstein IQ or a corporate vice president's income. But she did have an extremely nice personality. I'm certain I did not posses all the aspects of her knight in shining armor. It wasn't "love at first sight." But we enjoyed each other very much. We have been together now nearly 28 years. We've had our ups and we've had our downs but, unless something unforseen occurs, we plan to stay together to the end. Rochedale Casual Encounter.
I believe the problem with the current young people is that because of the immediacy of their kinds of communication (IM, texting, mobiles, etc.), they need/expect immediate gratification in all areas of their lives. I detected that neither AW or Eric gave online dating a serious opportunity, AW quit after a week and Eric after six months. As you're well aware it takes time to create a relationship, particularly one that's supposed to last a life time. AW knew her husband-to-be for 2 years before they even began dating. Had she spent that much time online dating she'd have found somebody she would have been willing to spend the rest of her life with.
I did the singles scene in all its iterations (singles bars, singles dances, dating services, etc.) starting in the late 60s and through the 70s. One common thread was that, for the large part, the singles scene attracted folks you'd rather not bring home to mom and I think that's still true. Men were creeps who wore their shirts open down to the nevel as well as the gils were princeses who figured their st did not stink. Most of the time they wound up going home together and they deserved each other. Nice guys and gils next door never stood a chance in the meat market setting.
WhoCare, the huge issue is when men who are out of a women's league will actually approach a woman, this is more applicable to in person approaching (because online they can obviosuly simply ignore them), they'll be sent mixed signals because often the girl is too nice to just identify the guy to screw off. She might give a # to simply get the guy away and then never answer, or even worse they might make replies to texts however they're short and efforts at suggesting to the man that they'd actually like to be left alone. Trouble here is to ust get a # makes a man think he is well on his way to a possible relationship or sex. Then to get any response to texts is also appears to be an excellent signal, the guys are blinded by confidence of chances with this particular amazing lady. They often push out the negative signs, only focusing on the positive. Leaving them strung up until the girl eventually decides to break it to them harshly that its a no go. I can let you know this because it has happened to me as a guy and I refused to accept the tips, body language and short text responses to mean that I should proceed. I've even lately made a girl really and and ill-mannered to me for myself acting this way. I believe she was out of line in how she coped with the circumstances, a straightforward sorry I'm not really interested text would've sufficed, rather than calling me creepy for texting her a few times and enjoying facebook posts. Casual Encounter near Rochedale. She might have been more of a B than most girls, seeing as I've had similar situations and the girl eventually just said lets just be friends. OK, I can cope, no need to insult someone. It can be disappointing enough to believe you have a opportunity with a terrific girl and then she says sorry I am not interested. But then pile on hurtful things to somebody who said nothing but nice things to you is kind of rough.
You can have a look at the many publications like Nancy Friday's The Secret Garden - which they didn't desire to publish back in the 70's because some men (and some women who have internalised misogyny) could not bear to understand that women are just as lascivious as men in their desires and fantasies. Not to mention the desperate efforts throughout history to control the exceptionally powerful sex drives of women with so many foolish social sanctions and strikes. If women were so naturally low in sex drive, why all the trouble and carry on, the shaming words, the imposed societal sanctions, the mental as well as physical chastity belts to try to keep those libidos under wraps?
My point is not about being shallow and computing. But nevertheless, there ARE things that you just can't beat in relationship and there is not any way to choose something "in between". I know and completely understand that relationship is founded on compromise. Still, you can not push yourself to do some things. With dating websites you see these things forthwith (marriage, kids, plans about future, faith). Casual Encounter nearby Rochedale. With timeless dating you may romantically fall in love (which yeah, is damn great feeling) but in the end you may hurt yourself more than you might imagine.
Personally, I liked to locate a girlfriend through dating website. You say that messages are cold and shallow, and just the bright smile and eye-to-eye contact may give you something more. Well, I really don't agree. It only gives you problems, since you begin to focus more on that beautiful smile and you also forget about important things - like someone's beliefs, conditions and way of spending free time. I got myself countless times into quite shty situations where I forget what's important to me and I went after looks. I only ended up hurting myself and wasting time for something that was terrible from the beginning - I just could not see it. Horrible, I prefer "cold and shallow" text. Perhaps it's really not that romantic but at least I will not waste my time because from the very beginning both sides will know essential things about eachother, like wanting or not wanting children / getting married, faith (not important? I got dumped because I said I do not believe in God) and stuff like that. On a classic first date you can not go to restaurant and ask that individual "Hey, you appear like a great person but before we start I'd like to ask... do you need to get married soon? Cause you know, I actually don't plan on doing that.." cause that is even for my egoistic mind hillariously incorrect action to do. But on a dating site? You look at someone's profile and you get these advice immediately.
Be honest (several lied about their age and/or had a profile photograph dating back a while), look for a buddy, friendships can lead areas. Be highly self critical, you aren't a perfect catch, you never will be but there could be things you can change for the better, lose weight (or set some on if you are skinny), stop smoking, pay a lot more attention to personal grooming and clothing. Be realistic, consider an age range of yours and or minus 5 years, a 20 year old girl is not going to be interested in a 40 year old man (unless you are paying!). Several women I talked to had horror stories of guys whose only purpose was to locate someone to have sex with and appeared to just presume that all the ladies had the same objective - and were not choosy. If this is what you're looking for then be honest, visit a massage parlour...
The next "sounds OK but no picture" nominee eventually emailed a photo - and I understood why she had withheld it up to that point. I needed to make a sensitive retreat. I just about gave up on the dating site although I Had met a few OK ladies but OK isn't good enough. As I'd paid for a year and had just been there for 6 months I stopped caring much - I started changing my description and that of my "ideal partner" weekly. So many profiles had said "must have an excellent sense of humour" that I started writing funny and clearly fictional profiles. The end result of that was that I got a following of regular readers and more contacts. One good looking and highly knowledgeable lady stood out from the rest but lived in another country a large number of miles away so out of the question for a date but we exchanged e-mails for a month or two, then phone calls, then I took the plunge and seen. Our 10th wedding anniversary is coming up.
I think for internet dating sites, one way they could help both sides is by offering automatic filtering of messages for both sides (but mainly intended for the ladies), to filter out the creep messages based on algorithmic detection of common creep messaging routines. And for the messaging system, based on that filtering offer a standard inbox as well as a junk box like most e-mail providers offer. This manner, women don't get a filled inbox of crap messages and can get to see the really rewarding messages (most of the time anyway, assuming the filtering system functions well). As well as the women can decide to see creepy/spamy messages if they needed to or in the event they don't get much regular messages at all. And in this scenario, the nice guy messages get through simpler to the ladies rather than be one letter among hundreds or thousands in their own inbox. I don't know about all the dating sites, but I think OkCupid doesn't yet offer this type of filtering system, at least not when I last used the site.
Im tall fit fine intelligent active dont smoke dont do drugs have a Masters degree....none of that matters.....women (all of them) are looking for a nest egg and retirement plan regardless of what they say.....they ALL need to be wined and dined and jetsetted all over the world. American women are a mans worst nitemare oh yea....ive heard and seen it all. I attempt to be cool and ask about hobbies and their interests they just play idiotic childish games....I hate women now I loathe and despise them....what a waste of tiime and energy online dating is lmao!!!
I hear you guy! I'm 33 years old and after being on OK cupid, e-harmony and for a year I too got burned out. I'm an African, Highly knowledgeable Nurse but merely since I live in Africa everybody automatically assume I am a scam artist and gold digger. I paid for platinum membership for one whole year merely to prove I'm actually an independent woman who can look after herself, I still got tossed away. I too don't find guys interesting or appealing any more and I will never subject myself to online dating again
And I think that it's challenging for women to comprehend online dating from a mans view(it works both ways people). To a great extent guys must do all the hard work while women only sit there are wait for Mr. right to approach them. I am not saying women do not have to do anything(they still have to set up a half way decent profile)but the truth is most appealing women don't approach men online and tend to play a very passive part in online dating and possibly to some degree that's because they do not desire to. Nonetheless, perhaps they should if they're going to whine about all of the losers that approach them and they can't locate any good guys. Maybe they need to be more pro active and search for a good guy before they whine that they do not exist. Casual Encounter nearest Rochedale, Queensland. Internet dating is not something that has worked for me personally as a guy. Nonetheless, I can not say that I guarantee it would work for me if I was a woman but I can say it would be a hell of a lot simpler to meet someone. The truth is women are very choosy since they can be. If women really wanted to meet someone they could. For guys it's considerably more of a challenge regardless of how you slice and they must do more work(and put more effort into it)than a girl to meet someone. This really is my opinion.
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